Where Do I Even Begin?

When I was younger, I would flood pages in my notebooks with excerpts from books I would never write. It wasn’t that I couldn’t write a complete work well – or maybe that’s exactly what it was – it was just that I had perfect scenes that could occur in a plethora of worlds, none of which could be perfectly leashed into that one exact moment. I could start in the middle, but where would I even begin? My words meant the world, yet they somehow meant absolutely nothing at the same time.

Even when you’re the catalyst in the creation of a new world, you still don’t have full control over it and how it comes to life. While the responsibility of maturing your fabricated universe sits within your reach, interpretation lies within the minds of your audience. Everyone perceives everything differently, based on past experiences and future mindsets. No two people think exactly alike and that becomes the barrier of understanding. While you can lead people to think one way, it is up to them to absorb and accept the trail of knowledge you leave for them in your wake.

Writing my thoughts down is already hard for me, because they’re never my own. And reading is always a new experience, especially when the material is composed of real experiences from real people. With me, there’s always the worry that someone will take things the wrong way or that they won’t make any sense. There’s a sense of self that I seem to be lacking, or just low confidence in how I feel.

And as far as I’m concerned, I don’t even exist.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that in an increasingly alarming rate. With the move back home after completing my first semester at college (yay!), the freedom that allowed me to grow has also been the sun that melts off my wings. I’ve spent most of my time holed up in my room, binge watching shows on Netflix to avoid my lonely reality. You know how it is. It’s part of the reason that I wanted to try and start my blog up again. Last time didn’t go so well, but this time around, I’m writing for me. This blog is an outlet for the feelings and thoughts that I have trouble portraying in real time.

Since this is my first post, I’ll keep it simple and won’t go into too much detail about anything. With that being said, welcome to my world and thank you for even attempting to indulge in my stresses. I hope you enjoy my blog in its entirety with all of the fluctuating and sporadic posts.